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High Conflict Co-Parent Counseling
Dana is one of the founding members of the The Co-Parent Project. The
following is a
detailed description of this
project.
The Co-Parent Project
The Co-Parent Project is an approach to working with high conflict families. The co-parent
counselors are working in pairs, as co-counselors. One of the counselors is assigned to work more
closely with one of the parents, conducting an individual intake session with that parent as well
as individual de-briefing sessions following the four-way sessions. The other counselor works in
the same fashion with the other parent. The heart of the co-parenting work, however, involves
both parents and both counselors in the room together (conjoint sessions) to work toward reducing
the conflict in the family, improving the communication, and improving their parenting. A primary
purpose of these counseling sessions is to provide a forum where the parents can work to establish
a cooperative parenting plan.
The Process
New clients are referred into this program by attorneys, the Court, Mediation or by
self-referral. The process is initiated by a telephone call to one of the program's seven
counselors.
- Individual intake appointments are then scheduled. These intake sessions are necessary and
essential to the success of the succeeding conjoint sessions and are structured to gather
specific information for use by the counselors in the conjoint sessions.
- Following the intake sessions, the two counselors meet to discuss the information gained and
develop their approach for the co-parenting, four-way sessions.
- The next step in the process is the four-way meeting. Typically, these are one and a half
hour sessions held every two weeks (or more frequently if necessary) with both parents and both
counselors present. It is in these meetings that the co-parenting counseling work takes place.
The counselors have the option to tailor the length and frequency of sessions to the needs of
the particular family.
- Following the intake sessions, the two counselors meet to discuss the information gained and
develop their approach for the co-parenting, four-way sessions.
- The next step in the process is the four-way meeting. Typically, these are one and a half
hour sessions held every two weeks (or more frequently if necessary) with both parents and both
counselors present. It is in these meetings that the co-parenting counseling work takes place.
The counselors have the option to tailor the length and frequency of sessions to the needs of the
particular family.
- An opportunity for debriefing is made available for each parent following these four-way
meetings. In the debriefings, the parent meets alone with the counselor assigned to him/her.
- Following the debriefings, the counselors meet to discuss the process, their respective
parent's reactions to it, and to plan for the next four-way meeting.
Use of a Child Consultant
When there is a question regarding the needs of the children that cannot be resolved between
the parents in the four-way meetings, it is sometimes necessary to engage a "child specialist," or
consultant. This is a professional who has expertise working with children in the middle of a
highly contentious divorce. This counselor meets with the child (ren) separately and makes an
assessment of what is in the child (ren)'s best interest regarding the issues at hand. The
consultant then presents the findings in one of the four-way meetings after which the counselors
help the parents to understand, come to agreement, and implement the recommendations. Each parent
pays half of the child consultant's fee at the time of service.
Communication of Therapists with the Attorneys for the Parties
Once the process has begun, any discussion of the work being done may only take place with
the written consent of both parents. All communication with the attorneys must include both
attorneys and both therapists.
Practical Considerations
This approach typically requires a two hour time commitment every two weeks although
variations as to the length and frequency of sessions can and do occur. Each parent is
responsible for one half of the cost of these meetings. Additional individual sessions between a
parent and his/her counselor may be scheduled by mutual agreement of all parties. Cost of these
individual sessions is the responsibility of the parent involved in the session. The cost of
conference calls, generation of reports, and other contacts or work outside of the scheduled
co-parenting format will be billed separately.
The average number of conjoint co-parenting sessions to be six to ten sessions. This will likely
be a variable number, however, depending upon the amount of work that needs to be done, the level
of functioning of the parents, the level of the conflict, the types of issues being addressed and
so forth.
Potential Advantages of the Co-Parent Project
This approach to working with high conflict parents holds promise in the following
areas:
- It provides an "ally" within the sessions to help each parent stay focused, on track, and
moving toward his or her stated goals.
- Reduces the likelihood of feeling alone or ganged up on in the session, since each parent has
his/her counselor to help represent his or her side.
- Permits interventions in-vivo that is difficult for a facilitator working alone with
high-conflict clients.
- Encourages feedback after each session from the parents to the facilitators thus enabling the
facilitators to refocus the sessions as needed.
- It is expected that it will be much more efficient at reaching the goals of co-parent
counseling, thus saving money for the couple and time for the Courts.
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